receive and give feedback more professionally
Read time – 2 minutes
Today, you got a negative feedback at work or in your personal life.
In order of exaggeration, this is what they may sound like-
“The towel goes on the rack!”
“This year, you get a 3 out of 5 in yearly performance reviews.”
“The project you worked on required more deliberation and you get a B+.”
“You stink!” (from kids to their parents!)
You began a conversation to clear out a matter with someone. Five minutes down the conversation, you begin to palpitate, your hair starts falling out and your eyes turn blood red in rage.
And on top of this, this is forced down your throat in the pretext of CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
If anyone of this is relatable to you, you need to buy the book Thanks For The Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. Associated with the Program on Negotiation by Harvard Law School, they have curated this book to better handle feedbacks that we constantly receive on a literal day to day basis.
We have often read in books that there are two ways of speaking the same thing. But, sometimes those authors wouldn’t focus on how you should do that. In the book Thanks For The Feedback the authors have mentioned what you can say verbatim with techniques for you to be what they call a super communicator.
Some book highlights from thanks for the feedback-
1- The amount of time someone processes positive or negative feedback can vary as much as 3000% across individuals. (Bosses beware!)
2- The 50-40-10 formula of happiness. You need to get hold of this formula of what happens at work comes back home with you and ruins that movie night with the family.
3- How you react to stuff that happens around you and how MUCH that affects you.
4- A feedback containment chart. This chart is helpful if you tend to exaggerate feedback.
5- Break the cycle of escalation early in a conversation.
6-Convert your critiques into coaches.
If you wanted to know HOW to develop a growth mindset (A word misused so much, it triggers people into rage!), the book Thanks for the Feedback helps you with that as well.
While reading, you will be able to monitor your progress in using the methods as well.
The authors have made use of real-life conversations to help readers explain various concepts.
By the end of the book thanks for the feedback, you would be a referee to your conversations, steering away from all things negative we associate with feedbacks. You would be the boss that says 69% of you have given me the file and not the one that says that 21% of you have not. This difference in the communication itself can set you apart in corporate world or your personal life.
If getting a feedback stresses you out, brings up your defenses, and ruins your day and mood, this book is a good investment.